Curtis

Welcome New Viewers

2012-01-10T12:31:00.002-05:00

Thank you for visiting our website! For those new to our site we have shared the entire story here on the blog in Chapters. We suggest you begin with Chapter 1. Click on the Blog Archive located to the right of the screen. Select January 31 and scroll to the bottom to find Chapter 1.

A tribute to Maddie

2012-01-06T09:56:00.003-05:00

I wanted to share this video with you about a baby girl who suddenly passed away only 2 days after she was born. You can view her story on their page... http://www.mymaddiegrace.blogspot.com/ This is a loving video from her mommy and daddy on this day which would have been her 1st birthday.

Jubilee Shalom Duggar-An Audio Letter from Michelle to Jubilee

2011-12-20T20:25:00.009-05:00

We have enjoyed watching the Duggar Family on TV and were saddened to hear of Michelle's miscarriage of her 21st child. Her message to her baby is very tender and sweet. May you be encouraged as you listen to this sweet message...

Jubilee Shalom Duggar from WMtek Inc on Vimeo.

Recently I had the honor of meeting Mrs. Duggar and she is one of the nicest people one could ever meet! http://www.duggarfamily.com/

Laura Story : Blessings

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On the Anniversary of Curtis 4th Birth Day

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Thank you Heavenly Father for allowing us to be Curtis family! Truly your mercies are new every morning. Thinking of you precious baby boy as today you would be 4 years old. We love you very much!

Hug Him Once for Me

2010-12-09T11:37:00.005-05:00

This video is for all parents who have said good-bye to a child - one they love and long for. However, one that you do not have to say good bye to forever!

If you want to see your child again, please visit:http://www.lancasterbaptist.org/truth-about-eternity.

Erica McClure is the author of this beautiful song! You can contact her at funshine1414@yahoo.com or phone 517-541-2411.

Two Hours to Heaven

2010-03-08T09:41:00.002-05:00

In October 2009 Lisa won a contest where she was the 100,000th viewer of a blog Stop and Smell the People. His name is Mike Redding. He interviewed Lisa and she told the story of Curtis. Click here for his article on Lisa and Curtis.

Welcome New Viewers

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Chapter 39

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Two weeks later on April 4th Curtis’s birthday we took the kids and baby Joshua to visit the graveside. What a blessed moment that was. We listened to a hymn together and thanked God for our new baby but also for the fact that we will be reunited with baby Curtis Smith Mast someday in heaven.

Chapter 37

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When we arrived we were taken to a room and prepped for the induction. I was at the same hospital where Curtis was born but not in the same room. It was so redeeming to be there and happy about having a baby. Once the process began it went very quickly and within a few hours Joshua Franklin Mast was born! He came into the world at 8:24 PM weighing 7lbs. 7 oz. and 19 ½ inches long, he was my biggest baby! He was beautiful he was big and he was breathing and crying!!! “Thank you Jesus!” Joey and I held him and loved him and showed him off to our family and friends. “God is so good he’s so good to me!”

Later we realized something amazingly wonderful about this birthday. Curtis was born the Wednesday before Easter of 2007 and we buried him on that Good Friday. Now a year later Joshua was born the Wednesday before Easter and on that Good Friday we brought him home from the hospital!

Chapter 36

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At my 38-week appointment I was so miserable and the baby was so low and heavy in my belly I felt like he would be born at any time. The nurse checked me and said that I was dilated to 4 centimeters already and that I could go into labor soon. I was thrilled to hear that!

The weekend passed and I was so miserable and unsure so I went to be checked that Monday. A different nurse checked me and said that I was really only 3 centimeters and was not in labor. This did not help my one bit. She told me to come back on Friday and they would schedule me for an induction. I was induced with my first two children and really liked that I could know when I was going to deliver and could make plans to have someone watch the kids while I was in the hospital.

Unfortunately the doctor who checked me that Friday said I was only at 2 centimeters. What! Was I closing back up? (Ladies, just a side note – make sure at the end of your pregnancy that you are checked by the same person each time) Still though she agreed that we should schedule an induction. I asked for Monday which was St Patrick’s day and my original due date. She said a nurse would call me and let me know by the end of the day. I waited and prayed about the timing of this birth but the nurse never called. I called back at the end of the day and the nurse said there was no opening until Wednesday.

So Wednesday morning finally came and I didn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep or eat or stand or sit I just wished my body would go into labor on its own. But I was at the mercy of the hospital and I was to call at 6am to see if there was a bed available, which I did. The person who answered the phone said “sorry we had too many women come in over night and there is no room. You will have to wait. We will call you when we can work you in.” I’m sure you can imagine how that felt. I was mad and sad and worried but mostly mad. I thought surely they don’t realize how important this baby is. If only they knew what we had been through.

I called back a little later on because I wasn’t sure if I could eat anything since you are not supposed to before an induction. I called and asked and told them to please know that previously I had lost a baby and if they could just keep that in mind and try to get me in. The lady was very kind and said she would personally call me as soon as she knew and that for sure they would get me in by midnight. By this point I just wanted to know when and midnight seemed so long from then.

My brother and sister-n-law (Jay and Caroline) were in town and hoping to be at the hospital to greet the new baby. I called my brother and told him what was going on. They came over to the house and I was so glad for any thing to distract me from the waiting. This was perfect timing because at 3:00 the lady from the hospital called and said, “come in.” I said, “could you repeat that I didn’t hear you?” She said “get your things and come now.” “Oh! Joey lets go and not give them a chance to change their minds.” And because Jay and Caroline were there we could leave the kids home and take off. We got to the hospital so quick I don’t even remember the ride there.

Chapter 35

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I could now relate not only to the trials and sorrows Job had faced but now I could know the joys that he felt when God gave him back those things which he had lost. “…the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. Job 1:21”

The pregnancy went really smoothly and I took advantage of every opportunity to share my joy with the kids and let them get excited about meeting their baby brother. I enjoyed the fact that my belly was growing normally as the baby did and this time I could feel the strong kicking of the baby. I could now do all the things that parents normally do when they are expecting. We could make plans and prepare the nursery and think of names.

The new due date was determined to be Sunday the 23rd of March which was Easter. When Curtis passed away just before Easter of 2007 I could never have guessed that exactly a year later I would be giving birth to a healthy baby boy.

The 34th and 35th weeks of pregnancy came and went and by now I was more than ready to hold this baby and not be pregnant anymore. By now my fears were starting to roll in like the dark clouds of a bad storm. Somebody told me of a lady who was expecting her 5th or 6th baby and the night before she was to deliver, the baby stopped moving, and its heart stopped and died inside her. Would my baby make it? Would he be strangled by his own umbilical cord and die before birth? Would I get to the hospital in time to deliver him safely? Oh why do people tell me these horrible stories just at the end of my pregnancy? And so I surrendered these new fears to God and prayed for peace. And you know what? God was gracious to comfort me and give me a strength of peace that only he can give.

Chapter 34

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I sought to enjoy this pregnancy and not let fear steal it from me but this would surely be a hard fought battle. The next step would be to wait for the ultrasound (U/S) later in pregnancy that would show if the baby had developed properly without complications and that there was life sustaining amniotic fluid around the baby. They scheduled me an early U/S at 16 weeks into the pregnancy in early October. I would go to a specialist who could do a more advanced screening so they could see a more detailed picture of the baby’s organs.

I didn’t care if this was a girl or a boy I just wanted to be told that the baby was healthy and I knew that if that was the case I could really be relieved. I thought I wouldn’t sleep the night before I was all tied up in knots physically speaking. Yet I did and with a nervous stomach Joey, the kids, and Joey’s parents joined me for the exam.

Joey and I went in first and told them we would come get them later. The technician got started right away and I guess I looked pretty frightened because she told me not to worry this was a happy occasion…oh if only she knew the thoughts racing through my mind at that point. I worked up a grin and she turned the screen so we could see. Right there I saw a baby’s head and a little hand giving a thumbs up and the baby was surrounded by a black ring of fluid!!!!! “Click “she said “I’ve got that as a picture for you.” Wow, it was like God had placed the baby in that position to lift our spirits and say, “I’m okay!” She continued the exam and everything was perfect and functioning and measuring well. Whew! Then I thought now we let the kids and grands in to see. They knew right away by our smiling faces that finally we were going to have a new baby to enjoy soon.

By this point there was only one more thing to find out…was it a girl or a boy. The night before I had a really weird dream and I remember dreaming about a cake and the top of it was lined in blue icing and it said “It’s a Boy!” I thought wow no one will believe me if I really am having a boy. Ha ha and there on the screen the technician placed an arrow showing us right between the baby’s legs. There was no doubt we were going to have a healthy baby boy! God is so good to us! “For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations. Psalms 100:5”

Chapter 33

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Joey and I decided it would be good to go ahead and tell our families so that they could begin to pray for us. “…pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” James 5:16.

Anxiously I went to that appointment with my kids JJ and Kayla. I told them they would get to hear the baby’s heartbeat. The nurse came in and began to search around my belly for the heartbeat and I was praying in my mind “pleas

e God let her find it right away.” But she just kept searching and said “well I can’t seem to detect it I will have the doctor come try…maybe you are not as far along as we thought.” Oh I was terrified now but tried to remain calm especially for the kid’s sake. Then after awhile the doctor came in and again my prayer in my mind “please God let her find it right away she must surely know exactly where to put the monitor.” She pressed firmly and listened but she could not find it either and she too thought maybe I was not as far along as thought. She said she would get me into ultrasound and that would surely show the heart beating.

And so I sat there with my kids and told them not to worry and that this way they could see the baby too. (This was really me trying to convince myself.) With shaky hands and trembling in my voice I called Joey who was at work and told him what was taking place. He prayed with me and I told him I would call him as soon as I knew anything.

We waited to be called back to ultrasound and yes it felt like hours. A young lady came in who had a kind face and gentle demeanor (thank you Lord) she said come with me lets take a look at this baby. I told her to please tell me as soon as she saw the heartbeat and explained to her what had happened to my last baby. She was very reassuring and kind. This was an internal ultrasound and I had never had one like this and this early in a pregnancy. I looked over at the screen and saw a little peanut shape. I strained my eyes looking for a little flickering heartbeat. The technician said immediately “oh see there’s that little heart beating and it’s strong too.”

Wow, I could breath again. I said out loud “praise you Jesus, thank you Jesus!” I invited the kids to come over and see this new little baby to our family. She gave me pictures to keep and with joy and relief I called to let Joey know.

Chapter 32

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Right away I could sense a change. And after three babies I knew “that feeling” that I was once again with child. It would be a few more weeks until I could take a pregnancy test but I just knew. By mid-July I had a positive pregnancy test and an appointment scheduled at my Ob/Gyn for mid-August.

Of course I told Joey right away that I knew we were expecting again and we decided to wait to tell others as long as possible. I had heard from other women who said that after miscarriages or their loss of a baby that they knew and had a peace when that healthy pregnancy was taking place. I on the other hand had no such confidence. To me God had not guaranteed that I would have a heathly baby all I knew for sure was God’s promise to be with me.

At my doctors appointment I was to confirm the pregnancy and find out when I was due. The doctor thought I was there for my womanly checkup and was surprised to find out that I was expecting again so soon. She told me I was very brave. I was told that my due date was to be March the 17th, 2007, which was St. Patrick’s day. Oh I thought that should be easy to remember and so my next checkup would be at 11 weeks to hear the babies heartbeat.

Chapter 31 The Story Continues...

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During my pregnancy and after his birth and death one big question plagued my mind. Could I go through another pregnancy and have a healthy child? I wondered if those women who had been through my situation went on to have more children or did they go through another agonizing loss? For those of you who may be wondering the same thing here is what happened to me after our loss.

I had felt in those weeks following the home going of baby Curtis a deep desire to have another baby. I had “empty arms” a sense of loneliness. I prayed that Joey and I would not end our childbearing years with the death of a baby. I seemed to be in a constant state of prayer over this matter and seeking God’s will for our family. I talked it over with Joey and he pleasantly surprised me when he said that whenever I was ready we could try again.

Curtis was born in April and by June I was fertile again so I was eager to be pregnant. Eager, yes, but seriously frightened. We did not know what had caused the problems in my pregnancy with Curtis, we had no control, it was completely in God’s hands. Were we strong enough to face another crisis if that’s what was to happen? I knew that if God could provide the strength we needed before that he would supply it again. Lamentations 3:19-25 “Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall. My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me. This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.” And so we would step out in faith.

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Psalm 73:28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.

BBN Voice Article

2009-02-23T20:26:00.006-05:00

Our article in the Bible Broadcasting Network's publication the Voice. Click the article below to read in a larger form.

The Story Grows

2009-02-13T13:27:00.002-05:00

When a flower blooms you never know what it holds in store and that is how we feel with Curtis's story. We first posted a couple of weeks ago and now his story has been shared around the world!

Its our prayer you will be encouraged through this blog and that you see the hand of God as we did!

Your comments and questions are welcome, we appreciate your feedback. So please write.

As a reminder just select the first entry to the right and you can read chapter 1-30 in chronological order.

Chapter 30 Medical explanation

2009-01-30T19:46:00.003-05:00

Here is a report that I came across on the internet.

Amniotic Fluid Abnormaliti
The amniotic fluid that surrounds a developing baby plays a crucial role in normal development. This clear-colored liquid cushions and protects the baby and provides it with fluids. By the second trimester, the baby is able to breathe the fluid into his lungs and to swallow it, promoting normal growth and development of the lungs and gastrointestinal system. Amniotic fluid also allows the baby to move around, which aids in normal development of muscle and bone.

The amniotic sac that contains the embryo forms about 12 days after conception. Amniotic fluid immediately begins to fill the sac. In the early weeks of pregnancy, amniotic fluid consists mainly of water supplied by the mother. After about 12 weeks, fetal urine makes up most of the fluid.

The amount of amniotic fluid increases until about 28 to 32 weeks of pregnancy, when it measures a little less than 1 quart. After that time, the level of fluid generally stays about the same until the baby is full term (about 37 to 40 weeks), when the level begins to decline.

In some pregnancies, however, there may be too little or too much amniotic fluid. These conditions are referred to as oligohydramnios and polyhydramnios, respectively. Both can sometimes cause problems for mother and baby or be a sign of other problems. However, in the majority of cases, the baby is born healthy. Here’s what expectant parents should know about these disorders.

How are oligohydramnios and polyhydramnios diagnosed?
An ultrasound examination can diagnose either too little or too much amniotic fluid. Doctors commonly measure the depth of the fluid in four quadrants in the uterus and add them up. This method of measuring amniotic fluid is referred to as the amniotic fluid index (AFI). If the amniotic fluid depth measures less than 5 centimeters, the pregnant woman has oligohydramnios. If fluid levels add up to more than 25 centimeters, she has polyhydramnios.

How common is oligohydramnios?
About 8 percent of pregnant women have too little amniotic fluid. Oligohydramnios can develop at any time during pregnancy, though it is most common in the last trimester. About 12 percent of women whose pregnancies last about two weeks beyond their due dates (about 42 weeks gestation) develop oligohydramnios, because the level of amniotic fluid decreases by about half by 42 weeks gestation.

What fetal problems and pregnancy complications are associated with oligohydramnios?
The problems associated with too little amniotic fluid differ depending on the stage of pregnancy. Oligohydramnios that occurs in the first half of pregnancy is more likely to have serious consequences than if it occurs in the last trimester. Too little amniotic fluid early in pregnancy can compress fetal organs and cause birth defects, such as lung and limb defects. Oligohydramnios that develops in the first half of pregnancy also increases the risk of miscarriage, preterm birth and stillbirth.

When oligohydramnios occurs in the second half of pregnancy, it may be associated with poor fetal growth. Near term, oligohydramnios may increase the risk of complications of labor and delivery, including potentially dangerous umbilical cord accidents that can deprive the baby of oxygen, and stillbirth. Women with oligohydramnios are more likely than unaffected women to need a cesarean delivery.

What causes too little amniotic fluid?
The causes of oligohydramnios are not completely understood. The majority of pregnant women who develop oligohydramnios have no identifiable cause.

The most important known causes of early oligohydramnios are certain birth defects and ruptured membranes (bag of waters that surrounds the baby). About 7 percent of babies of women with oligohydramnios have birth defects. Birth defects involving the kidneys and urinary tract are the most likely causes because affected fetuses produce less urine (which makes up most of the amniotic fluid).

Certain maternal health problems also have been associated with oligohydramnios. These include high blood pressure, diabetes, systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) (an autoimmune condition) and placental problems. A group of medications used to treat high blood pressure, called angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors (like captopril), can damage the fetal kidneys and cause severe oligohydramnios and fetal death. Women who have chronic high blood pressure should consult their health care provider prior to pregnancy to make sure their blood pressure is under control and that any medications they take are safe during pregnancy.

How is oligohydramnios treated?
Recent studies suggest that women with otherwise normal pregnancies who develop oligohydramnios near term probably need no treatment, and their babies are likely to be born healthy. They do, however, require close surveillance. Their health care provider will probably recommend weekly or more frequent ultrasound examinations to see if the level of amniotic fluid is decreasing. If the level of amniotic fluid does drop, he or she may recommend inducing labor early to help prevent complications during labor and delivery. About 40 to 50 percent of cases of oligohydramnios resolve themselves without treatment in as little as a few days.

Besides ultrasound examinations, providers will likely recommend tests of fetal well-being, such as the nonstress and contraction stress tests, both of which measure fetal heart rate. These tests can alert the provider that the baby is having difficulties. In such cases, the provider is likely to recommend early delivery to help prevent serious problems.

Developing babies with poor growth whose mothers have oligohydramnios are at high risk of complications, such as asphyxia (lack of oxygen), both before and during birth. Mothers of these babies are monitored very closely, and they sometimes need to be hospitalized.

If a woman has severe oligohydramnios near the time of delivery, her provider may suggest inserting salty water (saline solution) through the cervix into the uterus. This may help reduce complications during labor and delivery and reduce the need for cesarean delivery.

Studies suggest that this approach is especially beneficial when fetal heart rate monitoring shows that the baby may be having difficulties. Some studies also suggest that women with oligohydramnios can help increase their levels of amniotic fluid by drinking extra water. Also, many doctors suggest decreasing physical activity or even bedrest. A pregnant woman with oligohydramnios should discuss with her health care provider which, if any, treatment may be best for her.

Chapter 29

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Thank you for allowing me to share Curtis and my testimony of how God’s grace was sufficient for me. I trust that as you read this you will remember that even though none of us “choose” to walk through the deep water, He has promised that He will go with us. He has promised to give us grace moment by moment as we need it, never a minute too early or a minute too late – always right on time.
If today you do not have this peace in your heart could it be because you have never confessed to God that you are a sinner in need of His saving power. If you have not will you bow your head right now and tell the Lord God that you are a sinner (Romans 3:23) in need of forgiveness. Thank Him for His Word which tells us if we will confess our sins He will forgive us and cleanse us (I John 1:9). Having done this read I John 5:11, you are now His because of the Son of God, Jesus Christ and no one can take that away from you (John 10:28-30). Now no matter what happens in your life you, like me, can experience the peace that passeth all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

Chapter 28

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On May 1st, I had my follow-up appointment at the OB/GYN. As I entered the office waiting room the only ones there was a father with his toddler and newborn son. In came his wife with two nurses who just googooed over him. Oh, I was ready to run out crying. This was supposed to be my time to come show off my newborn. However, I knew this was not in God’s plan. Joey had said that he was sad that he would not get to see Curtis grow up and spend time with him, but he was okay with it because he was comforted by knowing that was never God’s plan for Curtis. Those two hours of his life was all that it was supposed to be. Praise the Lord I had a good checkup, good news finally. I was healthy and when offered medicine for depression I was able to turn it down. I did not need it, I really was not depressed. I had experienced the peace that passeth all understanding, that only my loving God could supply.
As time goes by, it is still hard for me to see a mother with her newborn and I never know what will cause me to cry, but that’s okay. Psalm 94:19 says, “In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.” I know his life was worth it and I’m honored to be his mom. I’ve placed my faith in Jesus Christ and I’m assured that one day when I die I will go to heaven and be reunited with my precious baby boy.

Chapter 26

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Each day I eagerly awaited the mail. We received sympathy cards for weeks. I’d say we got over 50 cards and numerous emails from friends, family, and those whom we did not even know. Throughout this time, we had prayers from our family and friends, friends of friends, churches, ministries and on and on. We were told of a young mother who had twins recently and one of them had died shortly after birth. She had been up all night praying for us the night Curtis was born. God had stirred her heart to pray for us right at the time I was in labor. Wow, isn’t God good!

Chapter 27

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That next week in our local paper the obituary was printed…

FORT MILL TIMES- Obituaries April 18, 2007
Curtis Smith Mast
Infant son Curtis Mast of Fort Mill passed away in the loving arms of his mother and father on Wednesday, April 4, 2007, at Carolinas Medical Center in Pineville, N.C.
Baby Curtis was born just a few hours before the Lord called him home.
Graveside services were held Friday, April 6, 2007, at Grandview Memorial Gardens in Rock Hill with the Rev. Jim Parrish officiating.
He is survived by his parents, Joseph and Lisa Mast; paternal grandparents Jud and Ann Mast of Fort Mill; maternal grandparents Raymond and Brenda Perez of Charlotte; uncles and aunts, Julie and Dan Ingersoll of Lynchburg, Va., and Jay and Caroline Perez of Florence; and cousins Hunter and Maddox Ingersoll of Lynchburg and Hannah-Moriah Perez of Florence.
McEwen Funeral Service Pineville Chapel was in charge of arrangements.

(Only later was it pointed out to us that we had not even mentioned our other children in the Obituary. I guess when Joey was filling out the form it did not have that information to be filled out and I know it was difficult to think clearly then.)

Chapter 25

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Adding insult to injury, my breast milk had come in. My body did not know there was no baby to feed. It seemed so unfair to have to suppress it. I wanted my baby back. God was gracious and I did not get an infection and gradually it did dry up.

Chapter 24

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We went home and felt the time was right to explain the situation to our kids. Joey told JJ age 4 and Kayla age 2 about baby Curtis. He said, “Remember that mommy had a baby in her belly? Well, baby Curtis was born, but his body did not work right. Now he is in heaven like Great Grandpa. He will not be coming home to live with us. He is with Jesus now.” And we showed them pictures of him. Kayla was not able to understand and began to play with her toys, but JJ seemed to know. He wanted the baby to come live with us. We told him that he couldn’t, but that it was okay. JJ then reluctantly agreed.

Chapter 23

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Then one more song was played called Glad Reunion Day, as we praised God that we would be reunited with Curtis in heaven some day.

Glad Reunion Day

Soon my Lord will call for me, what a glad reunion day!
When my loved ones I shall see, what a glad reunion day!
When I reach the other side, what a glad reunion day!
Heaven’s gates will open wide, what a glad reunion day!

Some bright –eyed, happy morning I shall fly away,
Hallelujah, I will shout. Oh, what a glad reunion day!

Then to Jesus let me go, what a glad reunion day!
Where the living waters flow, what a glad reunion day!
At the feet of Christ my Lord, what a glad reunion day!
We shall sing in one accord, what a glad reunion day!

Pastor prayed with us one more time and we ended a most intimate precious moment. As Joey took pictures, I began to look around. I was so sad as I looked to see that our baby was buried in a long row with so many other babies. So many others have shared this sorrow as well. Then I was struck with the thought that my firstborn son, JJ was born December 27, at Christmas time. Now my second son was born and died April 4th at Easter time. We now have a special way of relating to our Heavenly Father like few others can.

Chapter 22

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Pastor then stood before us with his Bible in hand and opened it to share comfort from God’s Word. Here is the outline of what he said:

Mark 10: 13-16 “And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.
14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
15 Verily I say unto you, whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.
16 And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.”

Jesus loves the little children all the children of the world. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Today you identify with our Heavenly Father who understands what it is to see His Son die.

David understood your sorrow and now you understand his. II Samuel 12:15-23 “And Nathan departed unto his house. And the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife bare unto David, and it was very sick.
16 David therefore besought God for the child; and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night upon the earth.
17 And the elders of his house arose, and went to him, to raise him up from the earth: but he would not, neither did he eat bread with them.
18 And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died. And the servants of David feared to tell him that the child was dead: for they said, Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spake unto him, and he would not hearken unto our voice: how will he then vex himself, if we tell him that the child is dead?
19 But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead.
20 Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.
21 Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread.
22 And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?
23 But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.”

God has shown His mercy and protection over those innocent of sins of adult generations. Jonah 4:10-11, “Then said the LORD, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night:
11 And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?”
Israel sinned in unbelief at entering Canaan. God spared all those under 20 years of age and did not hold their generation accountable for the sins of their fathers.

Hebrews 4 tells us Christ was touched by the feelings of our infirmities in verses 14 through 16, “Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”

In I Corinthians 15 God pictures the death of believers as planting seeds. As the life of a plant comes forth, so is the resurrection also. The world is pictured as fields ripe unto harvest, and in I Corinthians believers are called God’s husbandry. God is the creator and we are like His garden. The master can come any day to pluck from His garden a rose in full bloom, or He may choose to pluck a beautiful little rose bud (our baby Curtis). The garden is His and the choice is the Lord’s. We like David must worship, be comforted and go on in faith with our lives. Isaiah 40:10-11, “Behold, the Lord GOD will come with strong hand, and his arm shall rule for him: behold, his reward is with him, and his work before him.
11 He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” You can trust Curtis Smith Mast to the Lord now.

Chapter 21

2009-01-30T19:36:00.003-05:00

We then sat close to share the headphones in order to hear the song, Garden of Prayer. I held Joey’s hand and looked to see tears flowing down not only his face, but pastor’s as well.

Garden of Prayer

I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses.
And the voice I hear falling on my ear, the Son of God discloses.
And He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am his own.
And the joy we share as we tarry there. None other has ever known.

There’s a garden where Jesus is waiting.
There’s a place that is wondrously fair,
For it flows with the light of His presence,
Tis’ the beautiful garden of prayer.
Oh, the beautiful garden, the garden of prayer.
Oh, the beautiful garden of prayer.
There my Savior awaits and He opens the gates
To the beautiful garden of prayer.

He speaks and the sound of his voice is so sweet the birds hush their singing.
And the melody that he gave to me within my heart is ringing.
And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own.
And the joy we share as we tarry there. None other has ever known.

Chapter 20

2009-01-30T19:34:00.004-05:00

This is a very sad place. He is buried at the end of a row full of babies as this is the baby part of the cemetary.

That Friday was Good Friday, the day our Savior died on the cross for our sins and was placed in the grave. This would also be the day we would go to the graveside to bury our son. We prayerfully decided that it would just be the pastor, Joey and I for the funeral. We would bring our family and friends after the head plate was in place. As soon as we pulled into the cemetery and I saw the chairs set up and his little white casket in place, I began to weep again realizing this was for my baby, MY baby. Oh, it was so hard to believe that this was happening to me. We took an arrangement of flowers to place by his casket made of white roses and Easter lilies wrapped with a blue sheer ribbon. The pastor arrived right as we did and we sat together quietly. I was touched to see a little ceramic angel with blue wings placed there by Ann and Jud and a floral arrangement in a vase with a little blue glass bird and a white teddy bear placed by Joey’s sisters’ family. We gave pastor a poem to read and two songs to be played during the service, and he would also bring a message. The poem was given to me in a sympathy card and it went like this…

If We Could See Beyond Today

If we could see beyond today
As God can see,
If all the clouds should roll away,
The shadows flee;
O’er present grief’s we would not fret,
Each sorrow we would soon forget,
For many joys are waiting yet
For you and me.

If we could know beyond today
As God doth know,
Why dearest treasures pass away,
And tears must flow;
And why the darkness leads to light,
Why dreary day will soon grow bright,
Some day life’s wrong will be made right,
Faith tells us so.

If we could see, if we could know
We often say,
But God in love a veil doth throw
Across our way,
We cannot see what lies before,
And so we cling to Him the more,
He leads us till this life is o’er,
Trust and obey.

-Norman J. Clayton

Chapter 19

2009-01-30T19:33:00.002-05:00

Finally, we were reunited with JJ and Kayla and I began to count my blessings. They never had to see me in pain and everything happened while they slept peacefully at home. I hugged them and knew what little miracles they were and how blessed we were to have them.
As soon as we got home, the love and provision started to pour in from our family and friends. Food came right away from our church. I was blown away by how much was prepared just that day! I do not think I cooked a meal for three weeks after that day.
God provided us with dear friends to come by, sit, listen to me, and cry with me. I shared my photo album of baby Curtis and was so grateful that we had that time with him and that we had pictures so we would not forget how he looked. And again scriptural truth was present by our loved ones as Proverbs 27:17 states, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

Chapter 18

2009-01-30T19:32:00.002-05:00

Ann, our hospice nurse, took care of us throughout the day. She placed a heart on our door letting the staff of the hospital and others know that we had lost our baby. That way there were no inappropriate visits from the photographer to take newborn photos, or others like this. Ann prepared a special memory box of baby Curtis. She got his hand and feet prints and collected some of his hair. She even gave us the shampoo container that she used to wash his hair. She recorded his measurements and even filled out a crib card with his information. He was so real and here was our evidence.
Ann arranged to have us discharged from the hospital as soon as policy allowed. After twelve hours was up, we could go home. I was so glad that I did not have to stay. I wanted to get home to my kids. At about 3:30 PM, we gathered our things and prepared to leave without our newborn. I was blessed that I did not see or hear any babies that day. Ann walked out with us. Luckily, we did not have to leave at the same time as any other mom was leaving with her newborn. That would have just added salt to an open wound.
We had to make a stop at the drug store to get my pain medicine and so we waited there for them to fill the prescription. It was very surreal. Life was going on around us, but in my heart, I felt so dead.

Chapter 16

2009-01-30T19:30:00.006-05:00

We did not know how long we would have with him. I just stared at him trying to memorize all his features, especially his face. He did not look like JJ or Kayla to me. He looked like Joey’s newborn photos. Periodically our nurse would come in and check the baby and me. She asked if we had a name for him. I could not think of a name and looked to Joey for his thoughts. He said confidently, “I have a name.” He reached over and grabbed a notepad and pencil. He wrote it down and handed it to me, CURTIS SMITH MAST. It was if God had given it to us so bluntly. My grandpa had died exactly a week before and his middle name was Curtis. Joey’s Uncle Smith, or Smitty as he was called, had died at this time of year. And so we had a name that honored those we had loved.
As we held him, we noticed he was turning pale. Joey noticed that he was not sighing anymore. And I felt no more breathe. We paged the nurse, and when she came in I said, “I think he’s gone.” She checked his heart and detected about 10 beats per minute. She said, “it won’t be long now.” I could not believe he had held on this long. He was a real fighter. I desperately tried to make the most of our time with him, but I felt like I was dying too. I stroked his perfect little hands and feet, patted his back, and felt his downy soft black hair. I opened his eyelids to try to see his eyes that did not look back. I think they were brown, but it was too hard to tell. I kept kissing him and embracing his tiny body.
The nurse checked once more and said, “I’m sorry. He is gone.” He had died in my arms, and already I missed him terribly. I handed him back to Joey and went to the restroom to take care of my business. I was afraid they would take him away, but was relieved to see him still there when I returned to my bed. I asked Joey to hand him to me one more time. That’s when the floodgate of tears opened. I just sobbed and sobbed. I held him up on my shoulder like I loved to do with my newborns and I hugged him. I looked over at Joey and cried that I just couldn’t let him go and said, “It’s too hard.” I knew he was in heaven now, but he had taken a piece of me with him, and I was broken inside. Joey wisely and compassionately told me that the longer we held him the harder it would be to let him go. So I handed him to Joey and we kissed him and told him we loved him. Joey placed him gently in the bassinet and slowly covered his body and finally his face with the white blanket. We paged the nurse and allowed her to take him away. And that was the last time we saw him.

Chapter 17

2009-01-30T19:30:00.005-05:00

It was still early morning and much of what happened after that was a blur to me. We practically passed out and slept maybe an hour, but as soon as I awoke in that dark room with Joey there by my side, I had to turn the lights on and sit up. I was not ready to be alone with my thoughts. Joey made phone calls to our family and pastor so they would know what had taken place. Our pastor, Jim Parrish arranged to come by to be with us. Joey called a funeral home, which was located right beside the hospital and arranged to meet with them. I realized how blessed I was to have Joey handling the tough decisions and plans.
Pastor Parrish arrived and brought us words of comfort and compassion; and for the first time, we were talking about our baby Curtis. As we were about to pray together, we were paged that Caroline was here. My sister-n-law just happened to be in town that day. God had arranged for her to be there. He knew we needed her right then. She opened the door, her eyes filled with tears, and she was sobbing. Her tears brought me comfort as I could sense her love for us. We hugged and I let her know we were okay. And we all joined hands and pastor prayed over us. The Holy Spirit was so evident just then as His peace and strength came over us like a warm blanket. II Corinthians 12:9 speaks this truth, “And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Chapter 15

2009-01-30T19:27:00.004-05:00

They held up a tiny, fragile, limp body and wrapped the baby in a white blanket and placed the baby in my arms. I started to unwrap the baby, because they had not told me if it was a boy or girl. I said, “What is it?” Then I saw. It was a boy. Throughout the pregnancy, I had an intuition that it was a boy and here he was. They worked on my tummy waiting for the afterbirth, so I handed him over to Joey. When they finished they left Joey and me alone with our precious baby. He was tiny and wrinkled, but he was so beautiful and had no outward deformities. He was so frail that he did not move at all. In fact, when he was born he did not cry. He actually could not cry, he only let out a faint chirp-like sound. His eyes were closed. He could not even open them. I held him close and unwrapped the blanket. I wanted to soak him in, and not lose a moment of time to love him. I kissed his soft little head and stroked his skin. I felt breathe from his nostrils and from his open mouth. Every so often he would let out a sigh, like he was trying to catch his breath. I noticed when I would kiss his cheek that he would sigh; I knew he could sense me. Joey and I took turns holding him. We tried to speak to tell him that we loved him, but we could barely breathe ourselves.

Chapter 14

2009-01-30T19:26:00.002-05:00

We got there quickly, walked in and got to the front desk. I had expected to be taken directly to a room and examined. Yet there was no sense of urgency to them and the lady had us sign in. She said, “The doctor is very busy tonight, like 20 births already tonight.” I wondered if she was trying to hint that we might want to go home and wait awhile. Oh, I was suffering. Where were the doctors? I needed an epidural before it was too late to get one? When would I be checked in?
Finally, a nurse came to take us to a room. She had me lie on the bed and she placed straps around my belly to detect contractions. After that, she left the room. I had two contractions, the second being so bad I was crying out for help. I called the nurse back in and she checked the charts to read the contractions. “Well,” she said, “looks like you’ve had maybe two.” Ugh, why wasn’t anyone checking me internally? I told her how painful it was and she said, “Well, we can’t give you anything for the pain until you are checked in by the doctor.” I felt the urgency to use the toilet, so she took the straps off, helped me to the bathroom, and then left again. As soon as I sat down and began to push I felt a bowel movement, and to my surprise, I felt the baby coming out. So I stopped and held myself together best I could, trying not to give birth in the toilet! I pulled the emergency chord by the toilet and yelled for Joey to get help.
He ran out and got the doctor and nurses. He said it looked like a scene from a hospital movie with people coming from everywhere to my room. The doctor and nurses came in and stood by the bed and stared in at me. I cried, “Please help me to the bed I don’t want to have the baby in here!” They each held an arm walking with me to the bed. I wish they had carried me because I was so scared the baby would fall out on the floor. Lying there, they spread my legs and the nurse nodded to the doctor. He got on his gloves and told me to “push.” I was in horrible burning pain and just wanted it to be over with. So I pushed two times really hard and the baby was out. I called Joey over to cut the chord as he had done with our other children.

Chapter 13

2009-01-30T19:25:00.004-05:00

That next morning I went to my doctor again for a check up. The doctor checked me and determined that I was 3 centimeters dilated (at 10 you are ready to push to deliver the baby). I was not too concerned as I had dilated early with my other two children, but not in the 8th month. The whole day I felt pressure and at dinner time I could not eat. I sat on the couch the rest of the evening while Joey did yard work. When we went to bed, Joey fell asleep quickly, but I could not. I started to have contractions, not the Braxton-hicks kind, but really painful ones. I got up several times to use the bathroom; it seemed to make me more comfortable. I noticed twice that Kayla had gotten up and turned on her bedroom light and was playing with her toys. She had not done this before. It was almost as if she sensed something was happening. The second time that I went to put her back in bed, I had to stop at her door and breathe through a painful contraction. I went to bed and nudged Joey. I told him that I was having painful contractions and that I was scared. I did not realize that he was in such a deep sleep that he did not hear me. I was not sure if I should try and sleep through the night or not. I prayed for God’s help to show me what I needed to do. Then like a bolt of lightning a contraction hit me so hard it practically threw me across the bed. I grabbed at Joey and cried out “HOSPITAL NOW!” He really woke up this time. Joey called his folks to have them come over to be with the kids and I looked up the number for the hospital and my doctor. Luckily, that evening I had packed a suitcase just-in-case. So when Jud got there we left for the hospital. I called the hospital to let them know I was coming. They wanted to know how far apart the contractions were. I was not sure. I knew I was ready though and that I had a birthing plan there for them to follow. I had on my robe and slippers and a towel between my legs and we were off. There were no cars on the road, just us. As we were riding, I felt a contraction, so I told Joey. He was timing them and said they were only a few minutes apart. Oh, the reality was starting to hit me hard. I realized that giving birth could mean the end of this baby’s life, and I was only 34 weeks along.

Chapter 12

2009-01-30T19:24:00.001-05:00

So we met with Ann and Dr. Payne (fitting name) the neonatologist on Monday, April 2 at the hospital in the maternity ward. When we got there, we had to wait in the family waiting area. There was a jubilant family there whose daughter had just had a baby girl. I tried very hard to ignore them and not listen, but I could not avoid it. I knew that the happiness they were experiencing was something I was not guaranteed with my baby’s arrival.
Finally, the hospice nurse Ann came and took us to a room, which was a delivery/recovery suite. I was so sad to be in that room. I remembered the good memories of having my other two babies, all the newness and excitement of meeting my babies, and getting to mother them. Yet, I dreaded what could be. As we discussed the plans and what we hoped for, Joey spoke up about our faith and that our hope was in Christ and that God could give us a miracle if He so chose, but we would accept God’s will whatever it was.

Chapter 11

2009-01-30T19:21:00.003-05:00

As I entered the month of April and my 8th month of pregnancy, we still had no direct answers. One evening I got a call from a lady named Ann who introduced herself as the hospice nurse at Pineville CMC where I was to deliver. I dreaded hearing the term “hospice”, as it seemed to seal the deal that we had to prepare to lose our baby. She had looked over our birthing plan and, if we agreed, she wanted to meet with us and the neonatologist to discuss it. Here is a copy of our birthing plan, which we had compiled from examples that we had been given from the geneticist from the specialist office.

MAST FAMILY BIRTHING PLAN

To the Staff of the Hospital,
Our beloved baby, sadly, has been diagnosed with no kidney function and resulting low amniotic fluid. However imperfect the baby appears, this is our child, whom we love deeply. This love compels us to revere and treasure every moment of our baby’s life to its fullest natural extent. Your compassion and understanding during this bittersweet and difficult time are appreciated deeply. We believe that the memories of our actions during this sacred time with Baby Mast will later console us.
We understand that after the birth, situations may arise that were not anticipated and decisions will need to be made. We simply ask you to keep us informed so we can participate in the decisions as to what is best for the baby. We ask that no intervention be taken without our approval, other than what is outlined below. We trust you will respect our wishes.

Please call the child Baby Mast. Ask us how we feel, if the baby has been active, and what special stories we have from this pregnancy. This validates and honors our baby’s life.We would like to remain in the same room for labor, delivery, and recovery.
Regarding fetal monitoring, we would like external and internal.
We might like to hear our baby’s heartbeat early, before labor progresses. If our baby’s heart stops prior to delivery we want to be informed.
Only the baby’s father Joey Mast is to be in attendance. No visitors will be allowed before, during, or after delivery without permission from Joey.
Any drugs given during labor to Lisa should be given in doses to provide maximum comfort while allowing her to remain alert. Our other preferences regarding management of pain include an epidural.
Please allow Joey to cut the umbilical cord.
We would like oral/nasal suctioning for the baby’s comfort only and NO intubation without our permission.
After our baby is born, we ask that the baby be wiped, suctioned, wrapped in a blanket and handed to Joey and Lisa whether alive or stillborn.
We wish to cuddle our baby immediately and ask that vital signs, weight, medications and labs be postponed, if possible.
If our baby has fewer or more problems than expected, please discuss all options with us.
Other than routine post-delivery care, we wish for private time with our baby.
If our baby is placed in the NICU, we request as much privacy as possible as we care for the baby.
Please discuss any medications and/or procedures with us before giving or performing.
We wish to hold our baby as they are dying or has died and want to keep their precious body with us as long as possible.
We would like to bathe and dress our baby and will need a burial garment.
We would like to keep the following items as keepsakes: cord clamp, lock of hair, ID bracelet, tape measure, crib card, hand and foot prints (molds if possible), weight card, bulb syringe, hat/blanket/clothes, etc.
Please give instructions to Lisa on comfort measures/ milk suppression.
Please allow Joey to spend the night in my room.
We will make memorial/funeral plans for our baby along with the help of our Pastor Jim Parrish.

Parents: Mother – Lisa Mast Father – Joey Mast
Our Doctors are with Piedmont OB/GYN

We wanted the staff to know that we wanted every second with our baby while alive, no matter if it was a few seconds, minutes, or hours. We did not want the baby to have to suffer by being hooked up to machines, which would only prolong the inevitable.

Chapter 10

2009-01-30T19:18:00.004-05:00

One day as I was preparing lunch for the kids, a song came over the radio on BBN (Bible Broadcasting Network) that brought me to tears, because it reminded me that my Heavenly Father loved me. That song was titled Gentle Hands.

Gentle Hands

Gentle hands, holding on to me,
Gentle hands, guiding me so carefully,
Though they lead me down through paths I don’t always understand,
I will never fear when I‘m in gentle hands.

Like a little child sometimes it’s hard to see,
Just which way I need to go and what is best for me.
But I have a loving Father, who always understands,
And it’s a consolation to know that I’m in gentle hands.

Gentle hands, holding on to me,
Gentle hands, guiding me so carefully,
Though they lead me down through paths I don’t always understand,
I will never fear when I’m in gentle hands.
In the darkness of the midnight it’s so hard to see,
But I don’t have to worry when I know He’s holding me and guiding me.

Gentle hands, holding on to me,
Gentle hands, guiding me so carefully,
Though they lead me down through paths I don’t always understand,
I will never fear when I’m in gentle hands.
I will never fear when I’m in gentle hands.
You won’t have to fear when you’re in gentle hands.

Chapter 9

2009-01-30T19:17:00.004-05:00

Mid-January came and it was time to go back to the specialist. I was still pregnant and was growing more by now. Maybe everything was okay. Maybe there was just enough fluid to sustain this baby’s life. The checkup and ultrasound brought no changes. The baby was behind in growth, there was hardly any fluid, and they still could not determine boy or girl. The baby was breech and the doctor said he felt the baby would be born breech, because without the fluid it could not turn. He recommended a vaginal delivery because a C-section would not help. If anything, the cut would need to be invasive which could cause me problems in future pregnancies.
As time went by, I could feel the baby hiccup a lot and even move around, but my belly was not very big, at least not as big as it should have been. The baby’s movements were not normal and strong like I had remembered in my other pregnancies. I continued to go to my regular OB/GYN, but declined further visits to the specialist after another visit showed no change and as they could not help us or give any new information. Each visit I was able to hear the heartbeat and was surprised that I was still pregnant. Wow, this baby was a fighter. Throughout January, February, and March the pregnancy continued with all its uncertainties. On one visit to the doctor, I was at my wits end and I sobbed to the doctor. “We didn’t do anything wrong. We don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, or anything like that. Why is this happening to us?” I did not really want an answer. I just wanted to let out my frustrations. He assured me that we did nothing wrong, but bad things do happen to good people. I knew that, but I needed to be reminded. I knew that we lived in a sinful fallen world and that God could use this for His glory. I just needed to submit to God’s plan, but my inner battle was raging, and I desperately wanted this baby. I loved this baby. I did not want to lose a child. I had been through so much in my lifetime. Did I have to go through this too? Would God give me more than I could bear? No! A friend reminded me of the scripture that had helped her when her baby died. Psalm 73:26, “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.” Another verse was Isaiah 40:31, “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Enjoying a peaceful evening, seeking normalcy for our kids.

Chapter 8

2009-01-30T19:16:00.003-05:00

Jud reads the Bible on Christmas Eve. I was unable to think about anything but my unborn baby.

Christmas day with my Grandpa. I could barely work up a smile.

Here are the kids with their cousin and Grandpa. I think this is the last picture that I have of him.

That next week began the Christmas holidays. I was so sad and felt so beaten down. I selfishly began to want it all to end. I guess you could say, I could see the "good" in a miscarriage, because with that there was a definite answer. You knew the baby was gone and you could try to conceive again. These were horrible desperate thoughts I know and am ashamed, but I was not ready to submit to God’s plan. As the hymn goes, “…It is well with my soul…” was not something I felt I could embrace. I was weak. I needed the strength only God could give.
The holidays were cumbersome for me. On my brother’s birthday (the day after Christmas) we went out to eat at a steak place. As we waited to be seated, I saw a young girl, looking to be the age of a teenager, come in with her newborn twins and a young teen-looking boy with her. I was stricken with jealousy. I thought to myself, “Why was I facing the possible loss of my child whom I had conceived in wedlock, and here was this young couple who had beautiful twins, who appeared to have delivered out of the bonds of marriage.” This was wrong of me to think, because I knew that they would face hardships too. It was time to end the pity party. I decided then that I would focus on God’s way and not on my own selfish way.

Chapter 7

2009-01-30T19:15:00.001-05:00

The next day a lady from our church came by the house on visitation. Nanette was our church pianist and she came to pray for me and to share her own story of loss. She had birthed a baby boy in mid-pregnancy. She and her husband had only precious minutes with baby Andrew before he passed. She shared how thankful she was for those moments God had given them with him. She said, “Just be open to whatever happens and God will carry you through it as He had done for us.” It was good to hear from someone with personal experience and have someone pray for me who had first-hand understanding.

Chapter 6

2009-01-30T19:14:00.002-05:00

JJ loved the trains!

On Saturday we met with our friends the Clements. A God ordained get together to be sure. Rodney and Danielle had two little boys, but they had suffered some miscarriages. Their testimony was assuring of God’s grace and mercy and that God’s way is best. I was beginning to see that nothing that happened at this time was incidental or coincidental. God had already had this time in my life orchestrated for His glory.
On Monday, we went to uptown Charlotte to meet with the specialist. As I sat in the waiting room looking at the other pregnant women with their round bellies, I looked at myself and knew that I did not even look pregnant. I just felt like I was not supposed to be there. I thought surely this problem could not really be happening to me? They called us back to the ultrasound room and began the screening. The technician took her time and thoroughly examined the baby. I asked her if she could tell if it was a boy or girl. She could not because the image was too grainy and the baby did not move very much. Without the amniotic fluid, the image of the ultrasound is very grainy and harder to read. She tried to find a pocket of fluid to measure and could barely, just barely, find any at all. It was almost immeasurable. She was finding a normal heart and brain, but again the fluid was low and there was a mass in the belly. She left to show her findings to the specialist. After what seemed like forever he came in and started to look for himself. My inner prayer was that even with these problems they were finding that the baby could still survive it. The doctor looked at the blood flow and tried to determine if the baby even had kidneys. He was not sure. He felt that even if there were kidneys, they did not function. His words were cautious and he did not say anything definite to us. He said that if the kidneys did not function and provide the amniotic fluid, that when it was time for the lungs to develop, the lack of fluid would prevent them from developing and functioning. He said that I could miscarry at any time, or that I could go full term, the baby could be still born, or die shortly after birth, or could be okay. He scheduled us to come back in a month to see if there would be more fluid or changes, which he said he did not really expect to see.
He briefly mentioned that we could terminate the pregnancy, but that it would be expensive and we would have to go to a special place for that. We easily replied that was not the choice for us to make, God was in control and we knew it was not our life to take.
Then we met with the geneticist. I prayed that she would not find that this was a genetic problem; because if I lost this baby, I knew I would want to try again. Nothing from her questioning seemed to point to a genetic link. If we wanted conclusive testing it would need to come from the baby after birth. For example performing an autopsy to see what the actual problems were. Both Joey and I were very calm throughout that checkup. Joey told her that our calmness was not that we did not care, but that we had our faith in God and that He was in control not us, and that we loved this baby already. Joey was already using a bad situation to honor God and I knew that from his example that I needed to be ready to speak up at every opportunity to share the Good News that was within me.
As Joey and I talked on the way home we agreed that our hope was that if this baby could not survive, that the Lord would spare us from going full term and spare this baby from pain and suffering. I prayed that God would be merciful and take this baby on home to heaven. Our hearts’ desire remained that we wanted God to heal our baby and let this baby live. A multitude of questions began to surface, and we prayed for wisdom. Would we name this baby? Would we bury this baby? I began to search frantically online to try to find out anything I could. Thankfully I found helpful information from WebMD. (For your own information, you will find this article at the end of this testimony chapter 30.)

Chapter 5

2009-01-30T19:13:00.002-05:00

I realize that Ultrasounds can be hard to see but without the fluid this was even more difficult. This was the only photo we had from this day.

For the ultrasound we invited Jud and Ann (Joey’s parents, A.K.A Granna and Pappaw) to come join us and help us with JJ and Kayla. The nurse called my name. My heart was beating so hard it hurt. I asked, “Could the family come back now too?” She announced, “You had better hurry, I only have a half-hour.” This obviously unsettled me. We went into the room and she put the gel on my belly and turned on the screen. The image of the baby appeared on the screen and I could see the spine. I started to point to it and show everyone, but the technician said, “Oh”, and glared at the screen. “Where’s the fluid?” she said. “There’s hardly any and, um, looks like a mass in the belly.” Ahhhh, I wanted her to be wrong. She said, “I need to get the doctor in here for her opinion.” She left to get Dr. Demchak. I looked at Joey and said, “I knew it - something’s wrong with the baby.” Jud and Ann took the kids out and the doctor came in. The doctor placed the wand back on my belly and started to study the screen. “The brain looks good and there are the four chambers of the heart. Um, the baby is measuring about 16 weeks not 18 and yes, too low of fluid. I can’t determine this mass. I can’t determine the kidneys. We’ll have to get you in with the specialist.” I asked, “Is this life threatening?” She did not know for sure. My heart sank. I was not shocked or surprised, but was disappointed that my fears were right. I felt like a failure. We walked out of the room and hugged our kids and Jud and Ann. They would take the kids on home and we would go to another room to talk it over and wait for a time to meet with the specialist. As we walked away I started to cry. I was heartbroken. Unfortunately, the specialist could not see us until Monday at 1:00 PM. It was Friday morning now so we would have to wait all weekend. The doctor told us to be cautiously optimistic. She offered to prescribe sleeping pills and other medication to help me cope. I said, “No thank you.” I knew God would help me cope and I had to put my faith into action here. We hoped that the next ultrasound would show nothing wrong or that it was a mistake, or at least that it would not be life-threatening.
We began to call our loved ones to let them know to begin praying for us. Immediately the prayer chain began - a chain that would stretch far beyond my wildest imagination. Friends of friends, family of family, churches, coworkers, organizations and on and on all began to pray.

Chapter 4

2009-01-30T19:11:00.003-05:00

Hunter's Birthday party
Here am I talking with Julies friend who is sitting with her newborn baby boy.

The weekend before the ultrasound we went to Virginia for my nephew Hunter’s 3rd birthday party. At the party I met a friend of my sister-n-law, Julie. Her name was Jennifer. She had a little boy named JJ and a newborn. Julie told her I was expecting and we chatted for a little while. In the midst of the conversation I told her about my friend whose sister-n-law just had her ultrasound and they found out that their baby girl had Downs Syndrome. Jennifer said that before this baby she had lost her baby girl who had Downs. Her baby girl was still born at about 20 weeks as her heart had stopped. I gasped and asked her how she dealt with such a great loss. She said that she cried for three days straight, but that God helped her and her husband through it, and comforted them as only He can.

I felt like God was preparing me for something, but I did not want to believe it. I prayed constantly the week leading up to the ultrasound and even shared my concerns with my brother Jay and brother-n-law Dan and asked for their prayers. I did not care if it was a boy or a girl. I just wanted a healthy diagnosis for the baby and me.

Chapter 3

2009-01-30T19:09:00.003-05:00

This photo was taken on Thanksgiving of my family and Joey's parents, Jud and Ann, and my brother Jay his wife Caroline and their daughter Hannah Moriah.

However, the next week as I sat at my desk at home typing, I paused to feel the baby moving, but my belly was so still. I thought it to be odd, so I pushed and prodded at my belly to try to see if the baby would move for me, but still nothing. Immediately a sense of fear washed over me like a tidal wave. I wondered if I had lost my baby. I called Joey and told him what was going on. He was optimistic and said he would pray about it, and so I did too. I prayed and decided to leave it in God’s capable hands. I knew it was best not to jump to conclusions. Besides, I had prayed that God would not even let me get pregnant if I would not have a healthy pregnancy. I believed deep down though that God was trying to get my attention.
I got a call from the doctor’s office that the ultrasound technician would not be available on the date I was assigned so I needed to reschedule it. They offered to have me come in after Christmas, but I could not wait that long. I asked if I could come in the 18th week of my pregnancy and they gave me the Friday of that week. I was glad to be able to have the appointment just in time to announce if it was a boy or a girl in my Christmas letter to family and friends.

Chapter 2

2009-01-30T19:06:00.004-05:00

This is me at 10 weeks along.

Later that week, the morning sickness (or in my case all day nausea) set in, for which I was glad only because this was normal for me and meant a healthy pregnancy. September 18th was our 7th anniversary and my mother-n-law Ann’s birthday. So when we got back into town after vacation, we went to their house with a cake and a card. We signed the card from Joey, Lisa, JJ, Kayla, and Baby Mast! She read it, but it did not sink in as she glanced at it. I said, “Read who it is from.” Then she got it. She called Jud over and read it to him. They were shocked. Then we had my family come over to our house. My parents, my Aunt Beve and Uncle Jim, and my grandfather who had recently moved in with them after my grandmother passed away unexpectedly back in June. When everyone was settled in the living room, I made sure everyone heard me ask grandpa if he would like another great grandchild because we had one on the way for him. Hooray! They were all happy for us.
One would think that this pregnancy was off to a great start, but not so in my mind. I had felt sicker than I had remembered being in the other pregnancies and though I could not pinpoint it, something just did not seem right. Even before this pregnancy I had heard of several ladies whose third pregnancies failed in miscarriage. A few years before our assistant pastor’s wife lost her third baby early in the pregnancy. When she went to hear the baby’s heartbeat there was no heartbeat. Others seem to have a similar story and this was my third pregnancy so before I even conceived I had prayed for a healthy baby and to not have to go through a failed pregnancy. When my appointment came to hear the heartbeat I was obviously nervous, but there was that faint little beating heart. I told the doctor I was relieved and told her why. She assured me that I would be fine. At the next appointment I heard the heartbeat again and was assured that by this time there was only a small percentage that I would loose the baby, so I was hopeful and optimistic. They scheduled the ultrasound for me. I knew that would really be conclusive and squelch any doubts. About that time I was able to feel movement from the baby. I could not believe how early I could sense the baby, maybe it was because this was my third child and I knew what it felt like.

Chapter 1: Our Story Begins

2009-01-30T18:56:00.006-05:00

Positive!

August 11th 2006 was the time of my last womanly cycle and I had wanted to have another baby. I anxiously awaited the right time to take the pregnancy test. My time of the month had been coming early (about every 25th day) so once I came to that date and did not start I took a pregnancy test that is supposed to be able to detect pregnancy early. Disappointingly, it was not positive. So I waited for my cycle to start and even felt like I was, but a week later I still had not started so I bought another test. I waited to take it first thing in the morning and still it was negative. A few days later, on a Sunday morning, I still had not started to my own surprise and so I took another test. This time I saw a faint pink line. Just to make sure, I took the other test in the box and YES it was positive. Oh, I was so thrilled. I had so wanted to be pregnant again and finally the time was here.

Uncle Loring and Aunt Gina holding little Kayla.

Joey holding JJ and me with Kayla at the Atlanta Braves game.

Joey and I were getting JJ (3 ½) and Kayla (2) ready for vacation to visit my Uncle Loring and Aunt Gina in Georgia. We were to meet them that morning at the Atlanta Braves baseball game at Turner Field. So I decided to let the kids give the pregnancy test to their daddy. I said, “Joey, the kids have something to give you. Surprise number three is on the way.” He was smiling and happy, but I do not think he was half as thrilled as I. I think the kids were just happy because we were happy but I do not think they understood the whole concept.
We wanted to spread the word face to face with family and friends, yet we were headed out of town so it would have to wait. The first chance we had to sit down with Loring and Gina we told them of the news. I just could not wait to tell someone. As we sat down for dinner, Joey asked them how it felt to be the first to know about the new baby. They got the hint. We were expecting and, of course, they were happy for us. We had a great time with them and I remember waking up each morning with the reality that I would be having my third child come May 18th. Oh, I just could not wait.

Welcome

2009-01-29T11:39:00.004-05:00

Welcome to our blog! We want to share the story of Curtis Smith Mast. Our son who died an hour and a half after being born due to some complications that he had. We want to share our story with you!